The Cat

I was sitting at the computer (like I am right now) when I smelled something…like the sea! O! Dreams of the sea! O! Happiness! ‘Twas beautiful. Even though the ocean scares the crap out of me.

I finally figured out what the smell was…there was a plate on the computer desk with a used napkin over it. Upon lifting up the napkin (gingerly), I saw chunks and pieces of smoked salmon randomly scattered over the plate. Salmon, coincidently, smells like fish, and fish, strangely enough, reeks of the ocean. The mystery was solved.

After putting up with the smell for another ten minutes, being too lazy to actually remove the fish, I finally displaced my lovely buttocks (along with the rest of me) from the chair and dumped the fish chunks in the Cat’s food bowl.

The Cat despises fish. When I put it in with the dry kitty food in his bowl, I come back ten minutes later and he will have eaten every bite of dry food, but the fish is still left, looking rather lonely. He is perhaps the most abnormal Cat I have ever met.

There is a sponge the same color as the cat which usually sits beside the cat’s bed. Every time I walk into the garage (the Cat’s home), I think the sponge is the Cat. This brief confusion has embarrassed me on more than one occasion.

Maybe the Cat will forgive me.

Casimer Dimitri

Written 12-13-05

Casimer Dimitri was stalking the girl along a sidewalk in some town or another. It was paramount that he eventually catch her, because he had a need to talk to her . . . badly. Contrary to an outsider’s probable belief however, Casimer Dimitri was not a reprobate and had no wish to defile the girl in any way, but in fact to do just the opposite.

Casimer Dimitri thought back over all the months he had stalked the girl (whose name, he had discovered, was Liza). Over a period of time, he’d viewed all her minor idiosyncrasies, such as her tendency to grind her teeth when

A Story With No Point

Written 10-18-05

The young woman with little feet gingerly stepped closer to the statue of the lion, afraid to touch it due to its large size. She was standing outside of the mansion, too frightened to go in, even though she knew she had to eventually. She stepped up to the stars…oh excuse me…stairs– although with her current feelings, it might as well be stars, for she felt as if she were floating on air. Not, however, from happiness, but rather a sense quite anomalous in her life; that of shock. Her uncle had died.

Climbing the stairs (she figured out that they were, in fact, really stairs), she stopped

The Fish-Sucking Blood Aliens

Written 10-10-05

Ronald of the Fish-Sucking Blood Alien tribe woke up one morning and mentally prepared for his day. He’d been waiting a long time for this event. Today was the day that he would travel to Earth.

He jumped out of his cubby-hole bed and stretched his two left tentacles around his waist. Then he started to think about his route to getting where he was now. For 185 years, Ronald had dreamed of achieving the opportunity of going to the far-off Earth and doing a bit of terrorizing. However, it had been a hard road, for while Ronald was quite gregarious

Rubyourtoz Valley

Written 11-29-05

The epic quest had begun. Fourteen wise travelers had decided, near the end of the placid age and the start of troubled times, to arrange a journey in the hopes of finding a cure for the land’s rupture.

For years, life in the beautiful Rubyourtoz Valley had thrived wonderfully; the growth of agriculture had been plentiful, and the joy of the subjects was eminent. Centuries of happiness had made the land into a decorum that all other

The Invasion of the Quibees

Written 11-7-05

Rita was outwardly the paragon of the perfect person; she never insulted anyone, she had a great and calm attitude towards any situation, and was nice to anyone she met. She was emulated by others who wanted dearly to be like her. However, she was secretly EVIL INSIDE! Perhaps not evil, but she definitely had contrasting personalities, the impious side of which she never showed around anyone but her best friend.

The one cruel obsession that Rita loved the most, was calling bombastic, stuck-up people mean names. Out of all those she had made up in the past, her absolute favorite was “Quibee.” Which, according to her, meant

Invasion of the Depressed Freaks

Written (perfunctorily) 4-25-06

I was sitting on the floor of my bedroom one day. For the last few hours I had argued indefatigably with my parents over whether I should clean the house or not. Eventually I let the supercilious side of me come out and I stalked away in a huff, thinking that my parents knew nothing. Obviously I was acting quite indolent, thinking I was above the task of cleaning the house, but not realizing my indolence, I felt my parents accusations of me being so were quite unsubstantiated.

So as I mentioned, I was sitting on the floor of my bedroom, when I suddenly realized

Magnus the Midget

Written 5-9-06

Magnus the candy-less midget always suffered from acrimonious insults thrown at him by people who, well . . . weren’t midgets. One passing by Magnus’ tiny house would often hear him in a tirade about how much he loathed people who picked on him. Oh how he dreamed of living a halcyon life, where there would be no suffering at the hands of stupid individuals who yelled insults and offenses. Amazingly, this was to pass.

One day as Magnus was laying on his front porch, listless from the summer heat, a child walked past him. She was tossing a small box in the air with

A Jungle Without George

Written 5-2-06

We walked through the jungle. The jungle could scare anyone but a good way to remain at least slightly unfazed is to pretend that the path being taken is nothing more than an English country road, unsullied by the poison of snakes or by insects that drop from steaming trees. Hard though it is to ignore the frightening aspects of the jungle, it’s certainly possible and oh-so-rewarding when ones fear is overcome and indomitable bravery sets in.

Trekking through the jungle is an insatiable pleasure; as my group ventured

Final Fantasy FanFiction

Written 4-18-06 [When I say FanFiction, I mean that this is very loosely based on Final Fantasy...the use of the name "Cloud" and his possession of a giant sword are really the only similarities to the FF7 saga.]

Cloud stalked across the great plains with his giant sword. Before a warrior, he was now accustomed to being a loner, and lived off the land, killing creatures when needed. He had become rather taciturn in this time, for what friends he used to have, betrayed him, and Cloud felt no real need to express himself to the rest of the world.

For the past few years Cloud had reflected on the circumstances that got him in that state. He was one of the top warriors in the land, a leader whom everyone looked up to. He was in charge of about one-third of the other warriors and led a great

The Toilet Monster

Created a decade ago, written 4-4-06

This is the story of a tragedy and the horror that is known as the Toilet Monster. It all started out one dark and stormy day, of course. Molly the eight-year-old girl had invited three of her friends to her house for a sleepover that night and was waiting for them to arrive. Finally she heard a knock on the door and opened it. Each girl was standing on the porch, looking utterly tired and ragged.

“What happened to you?” she asked.

One of the girls, Harriot, answered. “We got mugged by a

They Followed Her

Finished 5-16-06

They were always following her. Though they tried to be surreptitious, she could always catch a glimpse of them behind a tree or a light post. At the sight of one, she was suffused with fear and wanted nothing more than to run away, which she eventually did.

They were photographers, seemingly loquacious if their tendency to talk nonstop on their cellphones were anything to go on. She spurned them because they did nothing but

Scurry

Finished 2-13-07 (And yes, I realize it’s awful and pointless)

Scurry the moo cow had an innocuous personality, but always ended up hurting people physically, completely on accident. She had a penchant for particularly sweet clover, and often would kick back her left foot with happiness when eating it. Unfortunately, a farmer or random farm child always happened to be standing directly behind her when she did this, and these unfortunate individuals would receive a heavy kick to the

How To Go About Inheriting the Earth

Finished 9-25-04

When he is born, the first sign is his wide-eyed look around at the world, which may be nothing more than a simple maternity room, or perhaps a bedroom in a house, or more uniquely, a cave in the mountains of the Sierra Nevada de Santa Marta in a bed of sweet grass. Either way, the first glimpse is a special one, and he greets the new world with open arms.

As he grows, he develops a new way of looking at his surroundings, not only with astonishment, but with comprehension. It begins slow, this new realization, but

Good Housekeeping Adventures

A lovely sight, this. A beam of light just hovering over my head. Naturally I can’t see it, because obviously it’s pretty much impossible to see anything on top of your head. No matter how far back you bend your neck, it never gets to the point where it’s physically possible to actually view anything above the point where your eyes start to roll back into your brain.

But at any rate, I just knew the beam of light was there. For I had just had the most wonderful idea. An awesome, fantastic, dazzling idea! Simply genius!

Sayen’s Reality

Finished 2-28-06

Sayen carefully pulled the viewer screen of the large machine down from where it rested on a ledge. She had to be cautious because the size of the machine was very large, but not for ostentatious reasons. It had to be huge because of its technical purpose. This was the machine that enabled the government to read its citizens minds.

The country was called Atlantis, after the mythical island which had supposedly existed thousands of generations ago. It was now the year 2,740 A.D., and the power centers of the world had shifted greatly. New Atlantis (as it was often called) had been formed when

DeathCapture

Finished 9-20-05

I woke up, although by rights I really shouldn’t have, considering I’m dead. But then I’m not used to this being dead ordeal quite yet. After all, I’ve only been in this bizarre state since last night, when I idiotically fell down the stairs after a misstep. So you can imagine that I was in quite a funk.

The funny thing about it is that I felt the same as if I were alive. I could still touch objects, and I didn’t randomly pass through them. As far as I knew, I couldn’t eat, but that’s not too big an issue. Yet the pressing matter at the moment was…

George’s Fate

Finished 9-25-06

Most people think that George of the Jungle has but one connection to bridges: his brief stint on top of the Golden Gate bridge in the movie. Little do they know that George actually lives (and thrives) on a bridge, and are nonplussed when they learn so. George lived on the Coos Bay bridge, to be exact. It’s really fun using the word ‘bridge’ five times in one paragraph.

Many believe that George stayed in the jungle for the rest of his life after he married Ursula, but this is a common (and understandable) misconception. But he quickly learned that married life was awful. Ursula turned out to have a creepy case of necromania and George would often find her conducting lurid posthumous

Revolution of the Face

Finished 9-27-05

It was nearing the end of 2005, only seven years away from the End of the World As We Know It. The Nose (being the most prominent facial feature, naturally) decided that something had to be done. So he arranged a meeting with the two Eyebrows, the Mouth, the Ears, and the Eyes, to extricate a plan from the depths of their intelligence.

For a while, the matter of what “it” was, was an uncertain point. In order to elucidate the fact, the facial features had to all combine their thinking powers to come up with some sort of reason for their madness. After a while of arduous consideration, they decided what was needed. A rebellion. Against what?, one might ask. The obvious choice of course…

Inside a Computer

Finished 11-17-05

Strange was the day when I found myself inside my computer. Usually I wake up looking at the outside of the monitor screen, because I often fall asleep in my chair at night (I was working on the prologue of a story that I was writing at the time), but this time something was different . . . I was looking out from inside the screen! For an evanescent moment, this strange situation made sense, but I suspect it was only because I was still groggy from just waking up.

After finally figuring out that this was not normal, I pondered my situation. I am generally a stickler for thinking things through and this was definitely not an exception. After a while, I figured that if I got in here by falling asleep, then surely I could get out also by doing the same. Therefore I went to sleep, or tried to anyway. After several futile attempts at